When Words Are Hard: How to Be a Great Friend to Someone Who is Sad

It is really hard to watch someone you care about feel sad. Sometimes, when a friend loses someone they love, we freeze up. We might feel scared of saying the wrong thing, or we talk too much because the quiet feels spooky.

At Eternal Memory Gifts, we want to help you be the best comforter ever! Being a good friend to someone who is grieving just takes a little bit of gentleness and a lot of love.

Here is what smart helpers—and the Bible—tell us about showing up for a friend.

Being a Good Umbrella

Doctors who study feelings say that our job is not to "fix" our friend's sadness. Sadness isn't a broken toy; it is just a really big feeling that needs to be felt!

Experts at the American Psychological Association say the best thing you can do is just listen. They call it "holding space." Imagine your friend is caught in a rainstorm of tears. You don't need to stop the rain; you just need to stand next to them and hold the umbrella.

The Bible's Secret: Being Quiet Together

A long time ago, the Bible showed us a beautiful way to help a sad friend. There is a story about a man named Job who lost everything. When his three friends came to visit, do you know what they did?

They sat right there on the ground with him for seven whole days. They didn't say a single word because they saw how big his sadness was.

Sometimes, the absolute best, most loving thing you can do is just sit quietly next to someone who is hurting. God's presence is often felt the most when we are just quietly sitting together in the living room.

What to Say (And What Not to Say!)

When you do want to use your words, it can be tricky! Here is a simple guide to help you choose words that feel like a warm hug.

Try Not to Say...	Say This Instead!	Why It Helps
"Let me know if you need anything."	"I am bringing macaroni and cheese over on Tuesday at 6 PM!"	Sad friends are too tired to make choices. Doing something nice without asking takes away the stress!
"They are in a better place now."	"I am so, so sorry. I am right here for you."	Even if we know they are in Heaven, our friend misses them right now. This lets them be sad without feeling guilty.
"I know exactly how you feel."	"I can't imagine how hard this is, but you are not alone."	Everyone's sad feelings are unique. Admitting you don't know exactly how they feel gives them space to be themselves.

Gifts That Last Longer Than Flowers

During the first week of saying goodbye, families get a lot of flowers. Flowers are super pretty, but they eventually droop and fade away. That can sometimes make a friend feel sad all over again.

Instead of flowers, you can send a gift that lasts a really long time! Gifting a soft Comfort Memorial Pillow gives them something physical to squeeze when they are missing a hug.

Or, you can send a bright Sympathy Remembrance Candle. It gives them a glowing light to look at while they say their prayers or think about happy memories.

When words are just too hard to find, your time, your prayers, and your special gifts from Eternal Memory Gifts will show them exactly how much you care!

For more friendly tips on helping a grieving heart, come visit our About Us page, or say hello to us on Instagram.

Back to blog